East Of Ealing

The third book in the legendary Brentford trilogy

'Robert Rankin is a deep-down humorist, one of the rare guys who can always make me laugh'

Everybody should read at least one Robert Rankin in their life

This is Rankin at his comic best. He does for England what Spike Milligan does for Ireland. There can be no higher praise.

Robert Rankin is the author of many novels, including Web Site Story, Waiting for Godalming, Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls, Snuff Fiction, Apocalypso, The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag, Sprout Mask Replica, Nostradamus Ate My Hamster, A Dog Called Demolition, The Garden of Unearthly Delights, The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived, The Greatest Show Off Earth, Raiders of the Lost Car Park, The Book of Ultimate Truths, the Armageddon quartet (three books), and the Brentford trilogy (five books) which are all published by Corgi Books.   For more information on Robert Rankin and his books, see his website at www.lostcarpark.com/sproutlore

'Ahead, where once had been only bombsite land, the Lateinos and Romiith building rose above Brentford. Within its cruel and jagged shadow, magnolias wilted in their window boxes and synthetic Gold Top became doorstep cheese...' 
 
Something sinister is happening east of Ealing. The prophecies of The Book of Revelation are being fulfilled. 
 
Lateinos &amp; Romiith, a vast financial network, is changing all the rules with a plan to bar-code every living punter and dispense with old-fashioned money. A diabolical scheme, which would not only end civilisation as we know it, but seriously interfere with drinking habits at the Flying Swan. 
 
Can Armageddon, Apocalypse and other inconveniences of the modern age be stopped by the humble likes of Pooley and Omally, even with the help of Professor Slocombe and the time-warped Sherlock Holmes of Baker Street...?

The Book Of Ultimate Truths

Robert Rankin is the author of  Web Site Story, Waiting for Godalming, Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls, Snuff Fiction, Apocalypso, The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag, Sprout Mask Replica, Nostradamus Ate My Hamster, A Dog Called Demolition, The Garden of Unearthly Delights, The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived, The Greatest Show Off Earth, Raiders of the Lost Car Park, The Book of Ultimate Truths, the Armageddon quartet (three books), and the Brentford trilogy (five books) which are all published by Corgi Books.  For more information on Robert Rankin and his books, see his website at www.lostcarpark.com/sproutlore

He had walked the earth as Nostradamus, Uther Pendragon, Count Cagliostro and Rodrigo Borgia. He could open a tin of sardines with his teeth, strike a Swan Vesta on his chin, rope steers, drive a steam locomotive and hum all the works of Gilbert &amp; Sullivan without becoming confused or breaking down in tears. He died, penniless, at a Hastings boarding house, in his ninetieth year. 
 
His name was Hugo Artemis Solon Saturnicus Reginald Arthur Rune, and he was never bored. Hailed as the 'guru's guru', Rune penned more than eight million words of genius including his greatest work, The Book of Ultimate Truths. But vital chapters of The Book were suppressed, chapters which could have changed the whole course of human history. Now, seventeen-year-old Cornelius Murphy, together with his best friend Tuppe, sets out on an epic quest. Their mission - recover the missing chapters. Re-publish The Book of Ultimate Truths. And save the world.

A Dog Called Demolition

'He becomes funnier the more you read him'

Robert Rankin is the author of Web Site Story, Waiting for Godalming, Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls, Snuff Fiction, Apocalypso, The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag, Sprout Mask Replica, Nostradamus Ate My Hamster, A Dog Called Demolition, The Garden of Unearthly Delights, The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived, The Greatest Show Off Earth, Raiders of the Lost Car Park, The Book of Ultimate Truths, the Armageddon quartet (three books), and the Brentford trilogy (five books) which are all published by Corgi Books. For more information on Robert Rankin and his books, see his website at www.lostcarpark.com/sproutlore

DANNY: PORTRAIT OF A SURREAL KILLER 
 
Danny's not sad and lonely any more because Danny's got 'the voices'. Well, one voice. It's the voice of his dog. Not that it's a real dog, Danny's mother would never let him have a real dog, so Danny made up one for himself. And a fine big dog it is too, with a waggy tail and a nice cold nose. Danny was going to call it Princey, but the dog told him its name was Demolition. So that's what Danny calls it. 
 
And the dog's told him other things too. Like how to adjust the bar-code reader in the shop where Danny works so that he can read the lines on people's palms and Danny can see what they're thinking. And which small ads in the comic books to send off to, so Danny can become irresistible to women, bend others to his will, gain vital inches and fear no man living. 
 
No, Danny's not sad and lonely any more. Danny's barking mad. 
 
Robert Rankin has been described variously as 'Funnier than Aleister Crowley, more dangerous than P.G. Wodehouse' (Cardinal Cox, EP Magazine), 'The drinking man's H.G. Wells' (Midweek) and 'An irregular genius' (David Profumo, The Daily Telegraph). His 13th novel is a nightmare journey to hell and back (with only a brief stop at a Happy Eater to use the toilet). Where Natural Born Killers and Silence of the Lambs merely dipped their toes in terror's icy water, Rankin boldly takes his lurex sock off and really puts his foot in it.

Web Site Story

A techno-gothic blockbuster from the Father of Far-Fetched Fiction.

'One of the rare guys who can always make me laugh'

'Everybody should read at least one Robert Rankin in their life'

Robert Rankin is the author of, among others, Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls, Snuff Fiction, Apocalypso, Nostradamus Ate My Hamster, the Armageddon quartet (three books), and the Brentford trilogy (five books). For more information on Robert Rankin and his books, see his website at www.lostcarpark.com/sproutlore

They wrote it off as a scare story. The Millennium Bug, the non-event of the twentieth century. But they were wrong, because the Bug was real. Is real. It's a computer virus and it's about to make the deadly species cross-over, from machine to mankind. The Black Death was spread by rats. But this plague will be spread by a mouse. The computer mouse. And do you know how many different kinds of computer viruses there are? And just what they do? And just what they might do to you if you become infected? No? Then read this book and learn the terrible truth. 
 
Or perhaps you'd rather take a holiday in Brentfordland®? Formerly known as Brentford, this Thamesside Shangri La is now London's first ever suburban theme park and holiday village. A world of excitement, relaxation and fabulous fun, waiting just for you. To find out more, log on to the Brentfordland® web site. Just give your computer mouse a wiggle. 
 
Go on. 
 
What harm can it do?

Snuff Fiction

A flamboyantly futuristic farce about the glamorous world of snuff-snorting.

'Delivering a characteristically cracked alternative history of the late 20th century...Rankin is on excellent form'

Robert Rankin is an unrepentant Luddite who writes his bestselling novels by hand in exercise books. He is the author of 23 novels all published by Corgi, including the Armageddon quartet (three books) and the Brentford trilogy (five books).

We read him for his exuberant salmagundi of old jokes, myths, urban and otherwise, catchphrases, liberatingly crazy ideas, running gags, recurring characters and locations, unreliable authobiographical anecdotes, and not forgetting the now legendary 'load of old toot'. He becomes funnier the more you read him' Mat Coward, Independent on The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag 
 
Society's plug is about to be pulled, big time. At the stroke of midnight on 31 December 1999, computer systems all over the world will crash and plunge us into chaos. But so what if it's the downfall of civilization? These things happen. We'll just have to take it on the chin. Or at least up the nose. Because rejoice and give thanks, snuff is making a comeback. And who do we thank for this? Who is the man who brings joy to the nostrils of the nation? The tender blender with the blinder grinder? The master blaster with the louder powder? The geezer with the sneezer that's a real crowd pleaser? Mr Doveston, that's who, and this is his story. So forget about impending doom and enter the glamorous world of snuff-snorting. Oh, and don't forget to bring a hanky. Things could get a little messy later. 
 
Robert Rankin's novel gleefully chronicles the collapse of civilisation, as the world slides into chaos with a smile on its face and a finger up its nose. Prophetic vision of an imminent dystopia? Or just the rabid ranting of a snuff-crazed technophobe?

The Fandom Of The Operator

Advanced telecommunications technology offers first ever hotline to the dead...

'Robert Rankin is uniquely off-the-wall, unparalleled in his eccentricity: there's no other comic fantasy author like him'

Robert Rankin is the author of Web Site Story, Waiting for Godalming, Sex and Drugs and Sausage Rolls, Snuff Fiction, Apocalypso, The Dance of the Voodoo Handbag, Sprout Mask Replica, Nostradamus Ate My Hamster, A Dog Called Demolition, The Garden of Unearthly Delights, The Most Amazing Man Who Ever Lived, The Greatest Show Off Earth, Raiders of the Lost Car Park, The Book of Ultimate Truths, the Armageddon quartet (three books), and the Brentford trilogy (five books) which are all published by Corgi Books.  Robert Rankin's latest novel, The Fandom of the Operator, is now available as a Doubleday hardback.  For more information on Robert Rankin and his books, see his website at www.lostcarpark.com/sproutlore

'To call Rankin irreverent doesn't begin to describe just how good he is at playing with the rules' MIRROR 
 
Gary Cheese is twenty-two years of age and works for British Telecom as an operator. Gary's hobbies include watching TV, walking his dog Princey, going down the pub with his mates, and attempting to re-animate the dead. He hasn't been having too much success with the latter so far. But Gary's heard a rumour. According to this bloke he met down the pub, there exists certain telecommunications technology that can actually let you speak to the dead. Apparently it's been in operation for years. FLATLINE, it's called, a chatline to the dead. They ran all these ads on the TV a few years ago to prepare the public for it. Those ones about having a one-to-one with famous dead people. But it seems something went very wrong: the dead had certain things to say to the living that the powers that be couldn't allow to be heard. Or something. Apparently. Gary's determined to find out the truth. Gary's a bit of a fan boy and Gary really wants to speak to all of his dead heroes. And Gary will have the time of his life when he talks to the dead.

Robert Rankin

'Mr Rankin levitates even more amazingly than in his first novel, and is a flotation not to be missed...Hellzapoppin with hallucinatory knobs on and a talent to bemuse which is hugely welcome in this grey-suited time'

Armageddon II: The B-Movie

QUIVER AT! Horrible demonic stuff oozing out of computer screens! 
 
SHOCK HORROR! Elvis Presley pulling his face off! 
 
GASP AT! a talking brussels sprout! 
 
SEE! Cannibals on the rampage! 
 
HEAR! Fido the Dog do Frankie Howerd impressions! 
 
SEE! Rex Mundi, Rambo Bloodaxe, Deathblade Eric, Hugo Rune and a cast of millions caught up in Events Beyond Their Control! 
 
THRILL TO! all the loose ends from Armageddon the Musical magically tied up! 
 
WATCH! A comic genius doing the business! 
 
SEE?

Robert Rankin

Praise for They Came And Ate Us

'Mr Rankin levitates even more amazingly than in his first novel, and is a flotation not to be missed...Hellzapoppin with hallucinatory knobs on and a talent to bemuse which is hugely welcome in this grey-suited tim ...

Books by Robert Rankin

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