Few authors are known as much for their wit as for their storytelling, but beloved author Terry Pratchett is, without a doubt, worth of such categorisation. Here, we celebrate some of his sharpest witticisms, from Seriously Funny: The Endlessly Quotable Terry Pratchett, curated from his iconic Discworld series (available now on audiobook).

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying "End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH", the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.

From The Thief of Time

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

From The Fifth Elephant

There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty.

The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What’s up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don’t think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

From The Truth

 

Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.

From Going Postal

PEOPLE’S WHOLE LIVES DO PASS IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES BEFORE THEY DIE. THE PROCESS IS CALLED 'LIVING'.

From The Last Continent

Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.

From Jingo

The pen is mightier than the sword… if the sword is very small and the pen is very sharp.

From The Light Fantastic

  • Seriously Funny

  • ‘I’ll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there’s evidence of any thinking going on inside it.’
    The most quotable writer of our time, Terry Pratchett’s unique brand of wit made him both a bestseller and an enduring, endearing source of modern wisdom. This collection is filled with his funniest and most memorable words about life, the universe and snoring.

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